Welcome to the first post of the new blog!
For those who’ve been following my antics for the last year I say, “Hello, old friends!” If you’re new I’m happy you’re here and I’ll try not to shock you too much this first time as I’ve been known to have a bit of a cyber potty mouth.
Today my daughters and I appeared on The Steve Harvey Show. What an experience. A producer found www.1yearofonlinedatingat50.com and loved the blog–especially the relationship with my adult daughters and their advice during my year of looking for love. From some of the disaster dates I’d been on there was probably some things I was doing wrong and perhaps Steve could help.
He is kind of the Love Guru (cue porn music here).
They flew us to Chicago to tape the show. We felt very fancy as the driver picked us up at the airport.
He drove us to the Amalfi, a fantastic boutique hotel in downtown Chicago.
We had a few days of shooting video to tell the backstory. It’s strange because when talking about Neal, my late husband, I got quite emotional. It has been six years since he died and my reaction was surprising. I suppose there’s a prepared script in general conversations that one uses when describing the death of a loved one. The Things I Can Say Without Crying sort of thing and the producer asked questions that I don’t normally answer. Bottom line, I miss him terribly and probably always will. That longing for something that was is always exacerbated by circumstances both extremely good or very bad.
Being on the show was one of those extremely good things that I wished I could share with Neal. Yet the very thing that brought me there (the dating blog) would never have happened if he were still alive. Discovering my passion for writing wouldn’t have happened either since I wrote the book after his death as a way to honor him. There was a part of me that was unfulfilled, although I didn’t know it, and writing has filled the void.
I often wonder if Neal had lived would I have realized the need for creative expression? I thought my world was complete—he was all I needed. Not so.
Life is weird, right?
For instance, I’m an extremely private person. For most of my adult life I’ve only shared personal stuff with a small circle of friends and yet I’ve spent the last year putting the most private and intimate details of my world out there for all to see. Lately there’s been a lot said about the over sharing that’s occurred with the vast number of memoirs on the shelves and, gasp, Reality TV.
I get it.
BUT, I do think Jodie Foster should pick on someone her own size. “Leave Honey Boo Boo alone, Clarice.”
Come on. When you’ve invited your dear friend Mel Gibson to sit at your table when accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Globes, getting all judge-y is perhaps not the best plan. In my humble opinion, of course.
I guess Jodie wouldn’t approve of the dating blog. Darn, I always hoped we could be friends.
OK, now back to Steve Harvey.
The girls picked a guy for me to go out with. Now that was different. They are a tough duo. Generally, my oldest Morgan, hates every guy I date–at least in the beginning. Plus, I’ve been known to be a tad picky. I’ve got this aversion to excessive nose hair and with the over fifty crowd it’s a jungle up there. This was no easy task but they chose a very nice man, Denny. Was it a love connection? Well, no. He was a good guy but there was no spark.
There’s got to be a flicker of lust.
I need to feel that at some point I’ll want to take my clothes off.
What?
Even women my age and older still want to get naked.
After the date we exchanged a couple of email messages—the usual pleasantries. I thanked him for being a good sport.
He suggested I was a serial dater—several times.
I didn’t take too kindly to his assessment (might’ve gotten a little terse) but we reached an understanding and wished each other the best. He told me he’s met someone and is happy. I’m glad for him.
Being on the show was the highlight of our trip to Chicago. Steve has the most amazing people working for him. Every single one of them. From the producers to the cameramen, the sound guys to hair and makeup, they were all absolute professionals and just nice people.
It was the experience of a lifetime for the three of us and I want to thank Steve Harvey for allowing me to tell my story, calling me out when he thought I was full of shit, and for genuinely caring about my success in this search for love.
He’s even invited me back so stay tuned, there’s more to come.
I’m trying something new. I’ve created a special video for those who’ve subscribed to this blog. I discuss the three questions my friends asked when I told them I was going to be on The Steve Harvey Show. If you’re interested, just subscribe—it is over there at the top on the right margin. You’ll be notified when there’s a new blog post AND you’ll be sent a link to the video.
Click here for the After the Show interview.
“I don’t like to share my personal life…it wouldn’t be personal if I shared it.” George Clooney
Kristine says
I’m so excited to see the show! We are DVRing it.
Looking back I think I over shared too much, especially about my bad relationships. Most notably my miserable marriage! Now that I’m in a relationship that feels great, I find myself much more circumspect. Early on, I had a “frenemy” that enjoyed trashing my boyfriend and I to others. Ms. Jerry Springer suffered from acute envy and I learned the hard way that a lot of people find the success and happiness of others intolerable. A sad but true fact of life.
I love your writing and admire your brutal honesty. I think it shows great courage and a rare gift of introspection. You’ll be the new Nora Ephron, so start writing that screenplay!
Melani says
Thanks, Kristine! I think we are all guilty of over sharing at some point in our lives and I agree about being more circumspect. I do save a few things in my life for only the small circle of friends, as you know. I worship Nora Ephron so thank you so much for that comparison!
June says
Can’t wait to see the SH show today on TV! You are so rad.
Melani says
Thanks, June! xxoo!!!
Amanda says
I cannot wait to see you guys on the show!!! What an awesome experience and there’s more to come! Yay! Also…you’ll have to catch us up on all the guys that want to date you after your appearance on the show…hahaha
Cindy Fahnestock-Schafer says
Hi Melani,
Saw you on Steve Harvey today. First time watching the show coincidentally. I wanted to say that it broke my heart to know that you found your soul mate and lost him. Cancer is so unkind. You have something special that most people do not have, that is the time you had with your soulmate. Most people are still searching; and many don’t think that kind of love exists.
I don’t blame you for 100+ dates or blogging about them. It almost seems a waste of time when you have had a diamond to sort though pearls.
I think your calling is to tell people how to have a successful relationship like you and Neil (neal?) did all those years. The give and take secrets of any successful marriage is gold.
As for your daughters, how sweet they are. I’m glad they care enough about you to suggest you move forward. Sometimes a good computer and cup of coffee is better than six bad dates.
You are so lovely but remember, there is really no hurry to find Mr. Right, because you already had him. You don’t have to find Mr. Right Now because he will pop up when you aren’t looking for him. He will be looking for you.
Melani says
Thank you, Cindy, for your lovely comment. I agree, no hurry is great advice. I believe it will happen if it’s supposed to, and in the meantime I concur. A computer and coffee beats six bad dates every time! Thanks again for your kind words.
r.j. says
Sadly, I do not have a TV — hmm, but I’ll check out if it’s on Hulu. And, so much fun to see your video log and to see you in action (after following your blog for a year, I kinda feel like you’re a pal – in a I know I only know your cyber-personna , but now I’m kinda invested way). I LOVED the botox thing – THANK YOU so much for being honest about that, because really, I look at people I know with no lines and I’m thinking that either I’m aging at an unusually fast rate, or they’re using something. Anyway, I look forward to more of them – snarky, dark humor with just the right touch of warmth and self-deprecation/self-love is one of my favorite things.
Melani says
Glad you like the vlog, RJ. I guess it’s just my nature to tell the truth. I’m a horrible liar, btw. I will continue to try to keep you entertained with that snarky side of me that’s been waiting to come out for years!
Michele says
I just watched the show and enjoyed your segment. I laughed out loud at the girls’ comments during your date. They are lovely! It will be interesting to see what kind of guy Steve finds for you.
Melani says
Thanks, Michele! The girls were hilarious, even when they were poking fun at me! I agree, let’s see what Steve comes up with.
Gerrald says
Melanie
I loved your “1 year” blog and love your attitude – feminist, strong, sexual and yet vulnerable. That’s why, despite the fancy side dishes, it disappoints me to not see criticism of Steve Harvey and his slightly misogynist show and attitudes. I don’t know if you’ve seen or read “Think like a man” but its all about how women are just machines that need to be tuned, or lied to, in order to get them in bed (or to do something else). In general, his macho perspective on what women “need to do” (ignoring the structures of women’s experience) angers me so much…
Melani says
Thank you, Gerrald. I’m glad you enjoyed the blog! I have read both of Steve Harvey’s books. I didn’t have the same sort of reaction that you had. I found lots of good advice. Sure, there were things I disagreed with, but on the whole I think he honestly describes the way a woman needs to look at situations through a man’s eyes. I liken it to why I have such a strong male following. I can say with 100% certainty that the men who follow my blog don’t agree with everything I write–and they shouldn’t. Thank you, though, for being a thoughtful and sensitive guy towards women. Thank you, too, for your kind words and for taking the time to write. It means a lot to me.
Tami Lucibello says
Is there a link that I can go to, to watch the full episode?
Melani says
I’m working to get both shows on this site, Tami. Stay tuned!